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You know you`ve won the argument when the other person responds with "Whatever..."
Actually baby, diamonds are a girls best friend, so technically I slept with your second best friend
Who`s up for some curling in my driveway?
Ran out of toilet paper, so I had to use leaves. Just kidding, but my son learned a big lesson about leaving his clothes on the bathroom floor.
I like to take, long, romantic walks, to the fridge. <3
I forgive and forget, because I have a good heart, and a terrible memory.
Don’t be upset that you’re single; be happy that someone isn’t ruining your life.
I wish computer companies would design a keyboard with a removable crumb tray, kinda like my toaster.
You know you`re non-domesticated when the only reason you finally transfer the dishes from the sink to the dishwasher is so you can gain access to the garbage disposal.
My wife keeps leaving magazines lying around with the jewelry ads circled. I got the hint. For Valentine`s Day she’s getting a magazine rack
An empty web browsing history is a sure sign of guilt.
hmmmm...halo or horns today??
Spent 40 minutes on the treadmill this morning. Next time I might turn it on.
Never underestimate the power of cleavage.
Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.