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My level of sarcasm is to the point where I don`t even know if I`m kidding or not.
I would watch NASCAR if hot wheels designed the tracks.
If you’re going to walk a mile in my shoes… Can you pick me up some beer on your way back?
I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road and not have their motives questioned.
I really have important work to get done, but I really just want to sit here and complete a quiz on what percentage redneck I am..
The ultimate act of trust is buying your spouse a gun, and then showing them the correct way to use it.
OK. If you`re so smart, what`s the answer to this question?
My kids keep bugging me about dinner, even after I keep telling them I already ate.
When my kids grow up, I’m going to their house to break their stuff, eat all their food, make a huge mess, say I’m bored & then just leave!
They say 1 in 3 people cheat in a relationship. I`m not sure if its my wife or my girlfriend.
Proposing to a woman isn`t like choosing a life-long business partner. It`s more like hiring your own boss.
When it gets nice out I`m going to have a roof party and after that`s done have a painting party inside, come all
Looks like you have a lot on your mind. Do you wanna drink about it?
You`re not unlucky. Bad things happen to you because you`re a dumba$$.
A cute thing I tell my kids when we see a dead deer on the side of the road is, "Looks like Santa lost his temper again."