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One of the first things they tell you in AA is to stop hanging around alcoholics. So I listened, and never went back.
Let`s simplify this. Deliver a pizza to me every night unless I call.
My ex-girlfriend said she broke up with me because I was childish and immature. I think it`s because she`s a big dumb stinkyhead that`s jealous of my awesome Transformers collection.
All I ask is to one day live in a house with secret passages.
I put my phone on Airplane Mode and now I can`t find it...
At 4-way stop, the first person to finish their text has the right of way right?
If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other
Screw you recommended serving size. You don’t know me.
The best curve on a woman is her smile :) ...Hahahaha lmao! No I`m kidding, it`s her boobs.
Finally in bed. No better time to start thinking about every possible thing that has or ever could happen.
Friends would describe me as classy, sassy and a bit smart-assy.
Pretty busy today. Was only able to check my phone 1400 times.
Sorry I mispronounced your baby`s name you made up.
Before I stalk someone, I follow them around for a while...Cause you know, what if they`re not worth it?
They say you can tell how someone has sex by how they dance…. So ladies be prepared for a lot of counting and clapping.