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Wine is just grapes for procrastinators.
What kind of paperwork do I need to fill out to get a permit to set my children free in the wild?
Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess
My brain is giving me the silent treatment today.
You know your phone can take pictures of other people too right? Just checking.
Whenever I hear the phrase `anything is possible`, I giggle and think about someone trying to slam a revolving door :)
Put on my workout clothes before going to the donut store just to give the impression I earned this.
People with pierced nipples have no excuse for losing their car keys.
Why is it when you have a day off you seem to bounce out off bed at 6am, but the days you go to work, it takes a forklift and 2 sticks of dynamite to separate me from my pillow??
I have the worst case of morning sickness. No I am not pregnant, my body just rejects mornings.
I stopped paying my car payments to concentrate on my dream of appearing on a Repo show.
When I`m all out of alcohol...haha! Just kidding! I`d never let that scenario become a reality.
Sometimes I get a little sad and feel like being alone. But then I talk to my dog about it and he reminds me I`m Awesome. Then WE DANCE.
I sometimes get road rage just pushing a shopping cart though a grocery store!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.