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In my defense, your honor, he had the keyboard clicking sound on his phone turned on.
why earn money when it comes easier when you just ask
i never said i knew what i was doing, i said i was going to do it anyway :)
According to the U.S. Census Bureau: 190,374 people are having sex right now, 212,130 are kissing, and 1 poor person is reading this post. You hang in there!
"Do not touch" must be one of the scariest things to read in braille
Roughly 82% of my day is trying to decide what my next meal will be
Girlfriend said she felt she looked fat, tired, and ugly. Said she needed a compliment. I told her that her eyesight was nearly flawless.
My hobbies include trying to close the elevator door before someone else gets on.
I grew up living paycheck to paycheck. But through hard work and perseverance, I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.
The only cat like reflex I possess is turning and staring at the wall when you talk to me.
Screaming out "BOOM PREGNANT!" during sex is never as funny as you think it will be.
According to my fitness app, I watched TV for 6 miles this week.
You say illegal, I say added to my bucket list.
Don`t get out of bed, it`s a trap.
I really hope my spirit animal is a bear because well I would love to hibernate all winter.