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A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
Whenever I hear the phrase `anything is possible`, I giggle and think about someone trying to slam a revolving door :)
I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet. It reminds me of why there is no money in there.
Those who stir the sh!t pot should have to lick the spoon.
Some people have goals of conquering the world! My goal is to sleep through the night without having to get up and pee!
Has it ever occurred to optimists and pessimists that the glass is refillable?
The queen honey bee has up to 40 sexual partners a day, just like your ex.
I bought a pair of Meatloaf underwear today. On the front they say `I would do anything for love`. On the back, `But I wont do that!`
What do women say when they are actually fine?
I make a great second impression.
“Dad, I’m hungry.” “Hi, Hungry. I’m Dad.” - Every time.
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
Benefits of hooking up with me: You will be hooking up with me. I could go on but I think I made my point.
One man`s LOL is another man`s WTF
I really think my life would be a lot better if my fitness app would just lower its standards