Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
LISTEN: It was sweet of you to suck the venom out of my snake bite, but if you really loved me... you would have swallowed.
To say I wasted today would be a huge insult to the producers of the 3 movies I watched.
House cleaning would go a lot faster if the spray bottles made laser gun sounds
You know it`s way past your bed time when the 1-800-dial-a-hoe commercials come on.
Sometimes when I`m bored, I pick out a girl from my list of FB friends that I`ve never actually met and then go back on her timeline and like every single post she made in like 2009......That should freak her out a bit...
To everybody that is single don`t worry you will have your day............ Palm Sunday is just around the corner
I don`t like country music, but I don`t mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means `put down`.
Think of a number between 0 and 20. Add 40 to it. Multiply by 2. Subtract 3. Now close your eyes.... It`s dark isn`t it.
I`m sorry we fought ... I hate it when you`re wrong.
lifes a laugh, start living it!
I can’t prove this, but I swear I used to be smarter, funnier, and less tired
I hate when its dark and your brain is all "you know what we haven`t thought about in a while ... demons."
Everyone`s self worth should only be measured by how useful they would be in the zombie apocalypse.
Fun thing to do #48: Spice up your food delivery order by ending the call with "And NO cops!"
I just bought a house, car and a boat with no payments until 2013. Those f`ing Mayans better be right…