Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When you called me a b*tch, did you mean it as an insult or a compliment?
How do you know you`re old? ... Check your glove box for paper maps ...
I don`t like Instagram. It reminds me that somewhere people are doing stuff. I just don`t need that kind of pressure.
Another day, another chance to make someone say, "Oh, now that`s just WRONG"...
How will you survive a zombie apocalypse if you scream & run when you see a spider?
Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they look.
How long does it take possums to realize when one of them is actually dead?
You’re really not as bad as people say. You’re much, much worse.
Did anyone else go into a furious, violent rage when they found out that George Lucas filmed most of Star Wars here on Earth?
Screw doing situps...teddy bears don`t and everyone loves them.
I dont believe in beating my kids, so I make them wear a Justin Bieber shirt & crocs to school so the other kids will do it for me.
The one who laughs last is the slowest. The one who laughs first has the dirtiest mind.
That sound you hear when you already closed the cupboard & hear something fall -yeah, that’s the sound of someone else’s problem.
Nothing tells your friends you`ve made it in life quite like owning a 4 slice toaster.