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Maybe teenagers just aren`t strong enough yet to remove the sticker from their hat
I`m proud of anyone who has quit doing drugs and alcohol, I don`t want to hang out with you now but I`m still proud...
Why do restaurants always say "Shirt and Shoes Required" but never say anything about pants?
You should be able to park in an “expecting mother” parking space if you’re waiting for your mom.
My gift horse is facing the wrong way
If my job was to make health questionnaires, I`d slip in random stuff like "How fast can you run backwards?"
If I ran the country, things would be a lot better ... Well, for me anyway.
I didn`t want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach for the cookies.
Anyone that tells you money is the root of all evil is f*cking broke.
life is too short to think twice and act wise....
You know that chick who said, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels?"... Yeah, well I ate her.
Why is this dude chatting with Jake from State Farm at three in the morning anyhow?
The best things in life can`t be seen or touched. At least, that`s what the restraining order says.
You know that confused look that old people get when looking at new technology? I`m like that, but with salad.
I was going to buy my first pair of Jordans.. Until I saw the price.. So I decided to make a car payment instead!