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"You`re better than that" is almost never true
Of course you look good; I don`t have ugly friends.
I`m working out my budget and, provided I don`t live past Tuesday, I can retire relatively comfortably!!!
The problem with diets is pizza.
A person soon learns how little they know when a child begins to ask questions.
Just when I think my confidence couldn`t be shakier, some shitty website tells me I have a "Weak Password"
Fingerprints are proof that God doesn`t trust us
If you are alone and feeling lonely, fart. Someone always walks in after you fart.
"Hi, I`m here to ruin your life" - Social media
I would never survive a real job because I dont like being told when I can eat lunch...
If each day is a gift, I wonder where I can return monday.
My relationship is like an iPhone, I don`t have an iPhone.
Trust is knowing you never have to look through their phone.
According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, “neighborhood watch” isn’t what I thought it was.
Young enough to know I can. Old enough to know I shouldn`t. Stupid enough to do it anyway.