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I didn`t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
If I ever get real rich, I hope I`m not mean to poor people, like I am now.
(Apocalyptic world) "Well guys......there goes our last female"
Abaaabbbbaaabbbaabbbaabb..... Long time no ` C ` ; P
When my kids grow up, I’m going to their house to break their stuff, eat all their food, make a huge mess, say I’m bored & then just leave!
Interesting fact: Prior to the creation of hummus and ranch dressing nobody ate uncooked vegetables.
I dated this musician who used to play songs for me over the phone. Then I realized he was just putting me on hold.
I really want to talk to you about how I don`t want to talk to you.
Women are so silly sometimes, thinking men actually care if they fake it.
Friends don’t let friends twerk.
Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
If you go to dinner alone always ask for a table for two. Look sad as you eat and you will almost always get a free dessert
I will probably die as a result of being sarcastic to the wrong person at the wrong time.
I don`t need WebMD to tell me what`s wrong with me, I have my mother.
When you’re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.