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WORST.... APOCALYPSE..... EVER.....
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets?
The Hobbit 2: we`ve still got a long way to walk
Yes officer, the person who robbed me was a woman 25-30, at least 5`9, a brunette and definitely single. Can you arrange a line up please
I`m pretty sure apple kid below needs help..
7,000 people were treated in emergency rooms for injuries sustained from fireworks. Don’t be a statistic, let your friend light the fuse
Why is it called tourist season if we can`t shoot them?
Stop complaining about the rain. Cause rain makes corn and corn makes whiskey.
Do you ever wake up and kiss someone next to you and appreciate being alive? I did this and was chased out of the bus
I`m not a bitch, I just have a low bullsh!t tolerance.
The best part about being an adult is, nobody can tell you, you can`t have ice cream for breakfast.
If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less.
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-ass".
Sometimes my sarcasm is so intense that even I’m not sure if I’m kidding or not.
This lady in Walgreens is staring at me like she’s never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.