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I was gonna take over the world this morning but I overslept. Postponed ... Again.
It`s ok if you don`t like my personality,,, I`ve got others.
"I`m sorry" and "I apologise" mean the same thing...except when you`re at a funeral.
We have GPS that can navigate you across the country. Why can`t someone invent a device that can remind you why you went into a room?
that strange moment when you get in the van and theres no candy...-Drew Balthaser
No thermostat is as effective at regulating temperature as sticking a foot out from under the bed covers.
I would probably die of sleep deprivation if Facebook added a dislike button
Not trying to be racist or ignorant but... seriously, all crocodiles and alligators look alike.
Don’t bother looking up “impose.” It’s next to impossible.
All these women on the 48 dating sites I`ve joined, seem so f*cking sad and desperate.
All through school I assumed they saved the number 1 pencils for the smart kids
If "Cops" has taught me anything it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces, they`re nothing but trouble...
Hey, did you know that in two days, tomorrow will be yesterday!
This healthy diet thing is dangerous. I just cut myself peeling an apple. This would have never happened to me with a twinkie.
There is nothing like sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheetos. I hope they let me back in Walmart.