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Starting an international incident is number one on my bucket list.
If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I`d probably pick living.
If you speak too slowly, I will complete all your sentences in my mind in ways that makes your story much more interesting
Parallel lines have so much in common, it`s a shame they`ll never meet
Roman Numerals...what are they good IV?
I’m pretty busy today, so if you could just go ahead and offend yourself for me that would be great. Thanks!
I bet strippers look forward to that feeling of getting home and wearing a bra after a long day at work.
Don`t come to my door wanting to talk about the Lord. I don`t come to your door wanting to talk about wine and vibrators, do I?
75% of men kiss their wives good bye when leaving the house. 100% kiss their house good bye when leaving their wives.
Im out like a fat kid playing dodge ball
Now reached the age where getting lucky is what happens when I can remember where I set my glasses down at
Jail is just the government`s way of sending you to your room.
No thank you, I don`t need a coaster. I won`t be putting my drink down.
I was always a believer in evolution....then I spent an hour at Walmart and now I`m not so sure
My rabbit died yesterday… Now he’s just some bunny that I used to know…