Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"Probiotic" sounds a lot better than "bacteria infested"
This whole being a responsible adult thing sucks.
Stop complaining about being single on Valentine`s Day. We have bigger problems in this world. Like why McDonald`s doesn`t serve breakfast after 10.30
Sometimes you`ve got to ask yourself: `Why am I talking to myself?`
What kind of jerk makes an anti-anxiety pill difficult to break in half?
I hate it when you`re buying stuff off the Internet and the bank calls to check to see if your card has been stolen. Sure, it seems nice, but then you have to explain to lady on the phone that no, it was not stolen, you really are the one who bought a subscription to bustyblondes.com
I`m painting a blue square in my garden, so that Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
I might not be "Smarter Than a 5th Grader", but I can buy booze! Booyah!
Sometimes I think I`m pretty cool but then I remember plants can eat sun and poop out air.
I just assume I do everything wrong since I don`t have a wife to confirm it.
I carry a yoga mat, but it`s only because I get sleepy after lunch
You know those adorable idiosyncrasies you loved about your spouse when first dating? Well, after 10 years of marriage they become what the police refer to as "motive".
Kids today will never appreciate how difficult it used to be finding pictures of naked people.
*Hears a joke about a chocolate bar* *Snickers*
My favorite beer is the 15th one.