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Somehow, we`ve got to find a way to STOP the driver of that bus that everyone keeps getting thrown under.
I found out why I`m still single. Apparently, you have to go outside and let people see you.
Three guys walk into a bar. Two ended up with a concussion, the other needed 4 stitches.
If I hit snooze 3 times it should automatically send an email to my boss saying I`ll be out sick.
What happens in Vegas never happens to me
It took me quite some time to be this good a procrastinator
Well that’s a wrap on another day where I act like I know what I’m doing
Still haven`t cashed in my winning megamillions ticket...scared the $6 will make my friends treat me different.
This girl is ignoring me like a check engine light.
I`m no super genius, but I bet the most effective way to lose "baby weight" is to have the baby.
Efficiency: skip your morning, wake up in the afternoon.
I’m drinking something. I`ll give you a hint: It starts with a B and rhymes with....um..... “beer.”
Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Nothing bad has happened, but I’m trying to be proactive.
I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.
Why do pickup truck commercials think it`s very important that I`m able to tow a plane?