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I`m getting a mistletoe tramp stamp.
Laugh now because when I die, I`m coming back to haunt you.
Lets be honest. Half of life is messing up and half is frantically trying to fix it.
I wonder what I did in a previous life to get reincarnated as me...
Wisdom for the day is , hot cheetos are not breakfast.
Life is like a p@nis. Simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely. Then women make it hard
I`ve got a Tootsie Pop and seven hours until the aviary notices their Spotted Owl is missing. Let`s do this!
I hate it when someone turns the light on while I`m sleeping and I`m like O_-
Hitting the lotto is a sure way to stop hating on Mondays...
Thinks that some of you make impulsive, poor thought out decisions. We should totally hang out more!!!
DiGiorno should start delivering, just to screw with people.
Donald Duck, saying screw you to pants since 1934.
Women should run the world. That will give men more time to drink beer and watch sports.
Obviously the movie "the good wife" is not based on a true story. It`s fiction people.
My boss hates it when I shorten his name to D!ck, Especially since his name is Steve.