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Iām not paranoid, but everyone thinks I am.
This is just a quick shout-out to bread bowls, waffle cones and other edible containers. You guys are doing a great job.
The Bible is pretty accurate...Especially when thrown at close range.
I wish relationships were more like cell phone plans - "Free nights and weekends."
The longest 10 seconds of my day is when I have to hold down the button on an electronic thing to turn it off
I do take my job seriously; To make sure there are no day old donuts at the local coffees shop.
I think you people lied to me...exactly how much of this hair of the dog do I have to eat before this hangover goes away?
Announcement: .. the Time Travelers Meeting scheduled for today will be held last Thursday
Due to an unforeseen error during last night`s love making session I am forced to wear non matching socks today
I went to the missing persons` beurau. No one was there.
If each day is a gift, I wonder where I can return monday.
My wife says I should use the term "make love" instead of "f*ck.". What the make love is she talking about?
Who is the genius that decided Little League uniforms be white? My guess is Tide laundry detergent.
If you can`t handle me at my worst, then that sucks because that`s all there is to me.
at my age, the best part of waking up is the fact that I did wake up