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You’d think with as much time women spend looking at their ass in the mirror, they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
Being a man in biblical times must’ve been hard. You’re busy then your wife says, “Someone parted the Red Sea & you’re here watching sheep.”
thinking men should come with a carfax....
Don`t hate every single one of your friends yet? Get Facebook.
How come phones only get lost when they are on silent?
I was being taught to use some machinery today, and I was quizzed as to the rules of it`s use. When asked what the first rule is I responded, "You do not talk about Fight Club."
I just took the "What Kind of Asshole are You?" quiz and got "The kind that posts my results on Facebook".
I am bored. Anyone need anything avenged?
Some mornings it`s best to just fill the sink with coffee, dunk your head in it, and suck.
If you see me smiling in public it means I’m laughing at the jokes I tell myself in my head.
Sometimes, entire relationships can be chalked up to, "that weird thing I did for a while."
I`ll go to extreme lengths to get the last bit of toothpaste from the tube but I`ll also watch 2 hrs of Nick Jr if I can`t reach the remote.
I`ll admit I`m not perfect but what did the horse I rode in on do?
Is it ok to ask a very pregnant librarian if she`s overdue?
Not sure if I logged into Facebook or the Cartoon Network.