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My neighbors complained about all the loud sex they are hearing from my house. So now I have to buy some headphones for my computer.
Since you were smiling when you tazed me, I`m guessing we still have a chance.
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words... words might hurt me deeply, causing great emotional, mental, and psychological damage leading toward a lowered self-esteem and irregular bowel movements.
Just drove past the house where I lost my virginity. There wasn`t even a plaque or anything. Pretty ridiculous if you ask me.
Don`t be scared of the government shutdown, liquor stores are run by the states.
It`s all fun and games until you find out she`s a psychotic bitch...
I need a new refrigerator ... There`s no food in mine.
Just tried to parallel park. 5 people are injured, 3 critical, 6 missing. The casualties continue to mount...
Tenderizing the meat sounds a lot sexier than it is
What if plants could talk but they are still in shock from seeing the dinosaurs?
Do you remember that creepy guy who stood behind you on a train 6 years ago and was smelling your hair? Hi!
I will die on a white floor just to mess with the chalk outline guy.
I’m not stealing my neighbor’s WiFi…their WiFi is trespassing into my house.
Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you and your motivational crap is far away
I don`t know if my stomach is growling cuz I`m hungry or if that`s my liver crying cuz it`s the weekend.