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wants to remind you this Halloween, that as a general rule, don`t solve riddles that open portals to Hell.
Welcome to my Facebook wall. Straight jackets are on your left, meds are on the table, and if you hurry, you can still get a seat in group therapy . . . have fun!
They say you have real problems if you hear disembodied voices; fortunately all my imaginary friends have bodies.
People always get so excited about the next generation iPhone but no one has caught up with the awesome technology that`s called a Turn Signal.
You gotta push yourself. Do 15 push-ups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Eat an entire cake instead of just one piece. Burn your ex`s house down. I believe in you!
I wouldn`t want lesbian parents. Not because I`m homophobic. I just don`t want to get stuck in an endless loop of "Go ask your mother."
When I`m bored I like to call in sick to places I don`t work for. I`m getting written up at Home Depot
Unless your kid’s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
I`ve got this great new drinking game where you take a shot every time you want to get more drunk.
I wonder what Facebook employees do at work to waste time.
Scientists are adding an extra second to the year 2015. Yeah. Here`s the bad news. You just wasted it reading this post.
I bet it’s pretty hard at a mime’s funeral to figure out when the moment of silence is over.
My husband and I are having a serious fight. Do you think I should let him know about it?
Lately, my furnace has run so much I nicknamed it "Forest".
I don`t like people who hate certain group of people. But I get along very well with people who hate everybody equally.