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How do blind people know when to stop wiping their asses
A kleptomaniac in a bakery really takes the cake
My cat probably thinks I`m cleaning my ice cream...
My poor neighbour suffered a stroke today...I must remember to close the blinds before getting naked.
A genius would have put Kevin Bacon in Grease.
Every time I see a preview for Hoarders, I grab the closest thing to me and immediately throw it away.
I don`t plan anything as well as I plan which alcoholic beverage I`m going to consume once I leave work.
should probably get my daily dose of calcium.. white russians it is
They say that when one door closes, another one opens. Apparently, "they" have never been to jail.
This might be the worst online counseling site ever.
Life gave me onions ... Onionade sucks.
People that do stuff- what’s your secret?
When I was a kid, there was no Internet. Sometimes people would walk for miles to call me a bastard.
If you would`ve told me back in 1999 that we`d still be using animated gifs in 2015, I would`ve said "Wow, what a boring conversation"
I think stupid people were put on this earth to test my anger management skills.