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I wish I had a dollar for every time I didn`t have a dollar.
My kids think I`m uncool like I thought my parents where. Time to get even! ;)
What thinks the unthinkable? An itheberg.
Just once I`d like someone to call me "sir" without having to add "you need to calm down or we`re going to have to ask you to leave"
If it rains on a dream catcher, does that make it a wet dream catcher?
Unless life hands you water and sugar, your lemonade is gonna suck.
When I`m not sleepy, I listen to some Chris Brown. That knocks me out right away.
It`s weird to think that these Forever Stamps will outlive me.
Why can`t Mosquitos suck Fat instead of Blood!
Some young men are like bottles of wine. They need to be tended to carefully & given time to mature; which is why I keep a few in my cellar.
A homeless guy just asked me for money, and I almost gave it to him, but then I thought... he`s just going to use it for alcohol, and then I thought... That`s what I`m going to use it for.
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and then six months later you have to do it all over again.
I get very annoyed when people mix up there, they`re and their. From now on I`m going to point it out, weather they like it or not.
Born free. Now, Iām expensive.
Of course China is dominating the olympics, they probably made all of the equipment.