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If by crunches you mean Captain Crunch cereal, then yes I do crunches.
At church they said the number of the beast is 666, but I stood up and said that`s not my wifes phone number.
Stretch marks? You mean sick a$$ lightning tattoos.
I assert dominance over millennials by responding to their texts with phone calls.
There is nothing like sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheetos. ...I sure hope they let me back in Walmart.
I just ate what I thought was a feta cheese crumble from my salad off my shirt. Turns out it was deodorant. So how`s your day going?
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like ten so you can choose.
The Internet: 1% information 1% jokes 98% outrage over information and jokes
My anaconda really doesn`t care if you got buns or not.
First comes love, then comes marriage. Then comes not making any decisions and feeling guilty about asking for blowjobs.
Scientists have yet to explain how 300 people can be working at a Wal-Mart but only 4 registers will be open.
An important phone call is something that occurs when there`s no better excuse to ignore someone.
Whoever said “There is nothing as precious as a child’s laughter” obviously never fell down a flight of stairs in front of his kids.
person 1: i can draw really well person 2: i`m really athletic person 3: i`m hilarious and likable person 4: i`m gorgeous me: i can breathe
I can`t believe these women are just walking around with yoga mats like a game of yoga might just break out at any moment