Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When I`m home alone, every noise I hear is a serial killer
"I got this." Translated: I most certainly do not have this, but prepare to be thoroughly entertained.
Chili for breakfast. Cause I hate my Co-workers.
If you don’t cuss when you drive you aren’t paying enough attention to the road.
It`s amazing how the lowly potato gives us potato chips, french fries, and vodka. Get your sh!t together, every other vegetable.
If a dentist makes his money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothpaste that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
Just ate a whole bag of chips, but it was “reduced fat” so basically it was like going to the gym.
Geez....Why do they only make hand creams that smell feminine? Why can`t they they make one with a masculine scent? Something like Doritos or WD-40?
im so hungry, im farting fresh air
"We attack at dawn!" - Hangovers
Me: My bed is so warm and cosy. I never want to leave. Bladder: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Some moments you remember all your life. Reading this, unfortunately, is not one of those moments.
7 billion people on this planet and I can`t find one who doesn`t annoy the f*ck out of me.
Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine. And you know what else? Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine.
I was driving thru Farmville and I had to pee ... so I pulled over and fertilized your crops