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Don`t do anything you`re not prepared to explain to a paramedic...
word of the day: nincomtard
Relationships should come with an icon that shows you how much time you have left like your phone’s battery.
I love going for walks in the rain. You can pee your pants and no one will be the wiser.
Stop complaining about being single on Valentine`s Day. We have bigger problems in this world. Like why McDonald`s doesn`t serve breakfast after 10.30
have you ever tried waking up in the morning? its horrible, the sun`s the wrong place and your head is so damn heavy.
Crazy people are never aware of their own insanity. I’m so glad I’m not a crazy person.
The woman in the Superman underwear next to me does not quite understand how white pants work.
Punctuality is a waste of time since no one is ever there to appreciate it.
Pregreening - creeping forward while waiting for a red light to change.
... and so begins another failed hundred or so attempts at trying to write the correct year on anything I date.
"When I grow up, I want to marry a man addicted to video games" ~ No woman ever.
Facebook is perfect for those people that have never been very good at waiting for their turn to speak.
I didn`t see anyone important today, so I`ll probably wear these same clothes tomorrow.
You can tell Charles Manson really loves his fiancee by the way he hasn`t murdered her