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For Valentine`s Day my wife wanted to.... well, you know. It started with her handcuffing me to the bed. And for three solid hours she watched whatever she wanted on television
*licks finger, holds it up in the air* ah yes, just as I suspected. wind.
Welcome to my Facebook wall. Straight jackets are on your left, meds are on the table, and if you hurry, you can still get a seat in group therapy . . . have fun!
The divorce rate among my socks is astonishing.
During the summer months, be sure to dress for the body you have. Not the body you want.
If you tell someone your Birthday and they automatically know your astrological sign, run as fast as you can away from them.
They’re called scents, not flavors, I should not able to taste your perfume or cologne.
I log off because I`m bord... I log on 5min later because I`m bord
Didn`t sleep much but I got a few solid hours of worrying done.
I`m at an age where I no longer want to marry a doctor for his money, but rather for the prescription medications he can provide.
Anyone notice the irony behind “hyphenated” and “non-hyphenated”?
I’m convinced that the employees of McDonalds were just customers who could pay and are working off their bills.
I`ve spent the past four years looking for my ex-wife`s killer, but no one will do it.
Now reached the age where getting lucky is what happens when I can remember where I set my glasses down at
Braille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate.