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off to bed...evil schemes don`t dream themselves up.
Our #1 problem in this country is that nobody wants to take responsibility for anything ...but please don`t quote me!
As my mother-in-law and I fight to the death for her son`s love, I sometimes think to myself, "This may be the worst prize ever."
Pretending to be a morning person is exhausting.
I farted on my wallet. Now I have gas money
If Starbucks delivered, I would be a morning person.
It turns out that playing strip solitaire isn`t nearly as much fun as playing strip poker. Especially at work...
Is it just me that finds it disturbing that you can accidentally make a baby but you can`t accidentally make a pizza?
Facebook is like my fridge… I know there is nothing there but I check it every 10 minutes anyways.
I just finished writing an article on "How To Improve Your Memory"- But I forgot where I kept it!!
Trust me... You don`t want my undivided attention.
Tried to plug my charger in the wrong hole. Siri was like STOP " I don`t do that ".
My New Years Eve = Hangover 4
Some days the problem is I care too much… Today was not one of those days…
If it doesn’t involve food or sleep, I’m probably not interested.