Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Half the journey is knowing where you’re parked.
I wish I budgeted with my whole paycheck as well as I do with the last fifty bucks of it.
You know what’s funnier than watching someone trip and fall? Absolutely nothing!
For all of you who gossip about me: Thanks for making me the center of your world.
The biggest problem with two-faced people is, never knowing which face to slap first.
The key to successful relationships is not to start any.
Right now I`m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I`ve forgotten this before.
I`d love to have a sex change. Preferably from `none` to `absolutely sh!tloads`.
You know it`s cold outside when during rush hour you get the mitten instead of the finger.
I love the gym this time of year. The newbies make me look like a Victoria Secret model.
Crayons are a lot like M & M`s, all the colors taste the same.
I just wish the automatic paper towel dispensers were half as sensitive as the automatic flushers.
There`s not much more gratifying than seeing a chick who thinks she`s super hot trip on her high heels.
The iPad: Because the iPhone was too small for other people to notice you.
Ok ... I just had a talk with myself, and it did not go well. Now I`m grounded.