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I`ve had like 10 red bulls, so of course I`m vacuuming the front yard.
good boys go to heaven bad boys go every where
It`s not the torch she carries for me that has me worried, it`s the gas can in her other hand.
I take comfort in the fact that my neighbour will probably die before me. I`ll be at his funeral, leafblowing through the entire ceremony.
So how old does a highway have to be before you tell him he`s adopted?
It deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer are in the rghit pcale. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a pobelrm. Tihs is buseace the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Tihs wulod not be psibsole if yuor sutipd. I hpoe for yuor skae you wree albe to raed tihs or taht maens yuor an idoit or barin dmagaed.
I keep having this dream that I`m being carried off by a giant squirrel. Does that make me nuts?
My relationship with whiskey has been on the rocks lately
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart
Can anyone tell me how to become a illegal immigrant, their benefits are undeniably more superior to our own.
Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like 10, so you can choose.
My ex says that he will dance on my grave. I`ve now arranged to be buried at sea
Weekends will from now on begin on Wednesday because that is when it should truly begin!
person 1: i can draw really well person 2: i`m really athletic person 3: i`m hilarious and likable person 4: i`m gorgeous me: i can breathe