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A sure fire way to lose an afternoon, is to help a friend out when he says "come on it will only take a half hour to fix"
Weather forecast for tonight: dark
If they really want to increase breast awareness, why not try a National Motorboat Day?
I have been delaying my computer updates an hour for the past 3 years.
I’m pretty much always down for a snack.
It’s almost 2015, I expect a toaster that pops the bread up in a less terrifying way.
I was way too drunk last night to drive home. So I drove to another party.
People complain about auto-correct but it is helpful 99% of the titties.
I`ll bet I`m the only one in this grocery store with "sh!t for tacos" on my shopping list.
I like to go to the bathroom with the door open, because it keeps other people from getting onto the elevator with me.
I think I will stick to my old fashioned pepper shaker. This new pepper spray tastes terrible on my potatoes...
"You`re so cute!" works as a response to anything my girl says 99% of the time when I`m not listening which is 99% of the time.
To all the girls who think all guys are the same: Who told you to try them all? Whore.
My butt decided to go big instead of go home.
Conserve energy: How would you feel if someone turned you on and then left?