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The word "Lovers" bums me out unless it`s between the words "Meat" and "Pizza".
feels like I`m forgetting to flip someone off today.
Girl: What color are my eyes? Guy: 34C
Do you ever just get a random burst of motivation to clean your house, write a novel, paint a masterpiece or read a book ... Yeah, me neither.
Can`t reach it. Don`t need it.
So what the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Their house paint is peeling.
Monday comes saturday ends and somewhere in between i realized i slept the weekend away....):
My wife and I use the pull-out method of birth control where we pull out our phones and ignore each other every night.
If A-B-C-D didn’t drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn’t have to be so rushed.
The first guy who persuaded a blind guy to wear sunglasses, must have been a hell of a salesman.
When someone yells stop, I don`t know if it`s in the name of love, it`s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen.
I am 5 for 5 on popping my trunk instead of unlocking the fuel door at the gas station.
I never mix business with pleasure, ......unless i call an escort.
No matter how lazy you feel, just remember that Goldilocks decided to take a nap during a break and enter.
I don`t even understand Fantasy Football. There are no Dragons, Wizards, or hot ass Elven chicks. I call bullsh!t.