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Nothing makes me turn off my car and start leisurely Facebooking than someone honking at me to pull out of a parking space.
Transformation Tuesday! Throwback Thursday! Flashback Friday! Never underestimate a woman`s ability to find a reason to post a selfie.
If you take Viagra with iron supplements it will cause you spin around and point North.
I don`t think I could love any person as much as I love BACON... Mmmmm Bacon...
The expiration date on my credit card is 4/20 and it always gets a good laugh when Im ordering pizza for delivery.
If you put root beer in a square cup, do you get beer?……………………. (you smart people grinned didn’t you.)
Welcome to Psychic Abilities 101. Today`s class was just rescheduled for tomorrow. If you`re here now, you failed.
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food colouring. The doctor says I`m alright, but I feel like, well, like I`ve dyed a little inside.
Life is tough. It’s even tougher if you’re stupid.
Why are clothes so expensive? I shouldn`t have to pay so much to not be naked. Other people should pay me not to be naked.
Since it is the day to give thanks, I would like to say once again...you`re welcome.
The only thing us men clean at home is our browser history
Sometimes I can`t figure out if I`m in pre-school... high school.. oh wait, I`m at work.
Apparently telling the airline stewardess that airplane food is "da bomb dat hijacked my tastebuds" is not considered a compliment......
When I say "Have a nice day." Remember the f*cker on the end is silent.