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"F@ck It" has gotten me through a lot of situations.
I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all.
I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my credit card goes through
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk while it´s still snowing
Guys are excellent cooks. With two eggs, a sausage, & a little bit of milk...they can keep a girl`s stomach full for 9 months.
You know those people who get all excited and lovey with puppies at pet stores? Same. But I`m in a liquor store.
So how old does a highway have to be before you tell him he`s adopted?
That awkward moment when a homeless person walks up to you at a Coinstar machine.
The worst thing about rich people is I`m not one of them.
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
The first rule of the OCD Club is to have a second rule so there is an even number of rules.
If I`ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it`s that everyone speaks English after they die.
Are the unmarried employees at Kraft known as the Kraft Singles?
Why do they leave folding chairs so close to the wrestling ring? Shouldn’t the maintenance staff have learned their lesson by now?
I only say "bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume it didn`t take and you`re a demon who must be destroyed.