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I`m going to make a bucket list: Things I`m going to do before I kick the bucket. Number 1: WEAR SHOES!!!
Pandas are proof that if you have a cute enough outfit no one will call you fat.
You know what’s funnier than watching someone trip and fall? Absolutely nothing!
You know you are old when people keep telling you how young you look.
Somedays I feel like running away. Then I remember how much I hate running.
You`ve got to be twins. You`re too stupid to be one person.
Have you ever laughed so hard that no sound comes out and you sit there clapping your hands like a retarded seal?
Has marriage been on Mythbusters yet?
The problem with taking the road less traveled is the poor phone signal...
I`m not saying you`re an idiot. I`m just saying that....Umm how do I word this?? I guess I am saying your`e an idiot.
After joining Facebook, my TV became radio.
Guys I can`t be leave I`m sharing this with you, but I saw my self on TV. After I turned it off.
I feel like landlords who don’t allow dogs but DO allow children don’t know very much about children.
I`d like to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with all of you, but I`m afraid they`ll be used against me in a court of law someday.
Fact: You wish Facebook had the middle finger button.