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If you are being attacked by a bunch of clowns the first thing to do is go for the juggler.
No children were harmed in making this status. Ignored perhaps, but certainly not harmed…
Was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasn`t the right answer...
Sluts are just hookers with no grasp of economics.
I don`t have ADD. It`s just that everything is more interesting than what I have to get done.
Eat whatever you want,and if anyone tries to lecture you about your weight ...Eat them too..!
Just changed my wireless network name in my apartment to "I can hear you having sex through the ceiling and it sounds mediocre."
You think your wife is crazy now? Try divorcing her
Know your customer. Think like an idiot.
There`s nothing sadder then the look on my dogs face after he hears something hit the floor and discovers it`s only lettuce :(
Porn & love songs. Destroying reality forever.
Whenever I select next-day delivery for an online purchase, I imagine someone, somewhere, yells "CODE RED, CODE RED" really loud then people scurry like mad.
Missing my childhood super-powers, when I could sleep on the couch and wake up in bed.
Remember before you give the finger from the safety of your car, not everyone has a schedule to keep.
When a newscaster says; "I am live at the scene with a person who witnessed the accident," what they really mean is; "Check out this douchetard we found at the scene of this crash."