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Today I gave up procrastination for Lent.
There is a big difference between a guy and a girl saying "I went through an entire box of tissues during that movie."
I`m hearing voices again. Probably because my window is open and there are people outside talking, but still.
My life has a great cast, but I can’t figure out the plot.
Every have one of those moments where you look at yourself in the mirror and think "Damn if I weren`t me, I`d totally hit that."
When I go through an automated car wash I close my eyes, because it`s easier to pretend I`m in a car that way.
I puked in the backseat of my friend`s brand new Mustang in the Fall of 1989. There wasn`t any social networking back then, so I`m telling you all now...
Saw a bird sh*t on my car, so I ate scrambled eggs on my front step, just to show him what I`m capable of.
Instead of laughing my a$$ off, I`m going to start laughing my stomach off. I`d rather lose that.
Kinda like Facebook, I wish I could ‘hide’ people in real life.
I`d be the stripper that got fired for eating her way out of the cake instead of jumping out of it.
When life gives you lemons....throw them back and yell, "I wanted cookies!"
I`m sick and tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save the environment. I tried it once, and I nearly killed some guy on a bike.
Taxes are like a subscription to your country that you can`t cancel, no matter how bad the service gets.
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever.