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scream outloud and really fast "I won a math debate"
I`m not much on seizing the day, I just kinda poke it with a stick.
Girls don`t dress for guys, they dress for themselves. If they dressed for guys they would be naked all the time
I think I`m gonna take a hot shower. Its like a normal shower, but with me in it.
My wife was afraid of the dark......then she saw me naked.........now she is afraid of the light.
She was rare, like an onion ring in french fries
I get my cardio from caffeine...
You’ll never be as young as you are now.
I enjoy romantic scrolls up and down your timeline.
Like a glow stick, sometimes we have to break before we shine.
Never take a Chess enthusiast to a restaurant with checkered tablecloths!……It’ll take them an hour to pass the salt!
One day id like to have a brand new Iphone like the lady in front of me with the food stamps.
Having a bad day? Imagine a T-Rex trying to masturbate. you`re welcome.
My wife told me I have to quit playing poker all the time but I think she`s bluffing...
I just found a $100 bill laying on the floor in the checkout lane. I don`t even have to try to find out who lost it, because it`s the same color, and has the same picture on it as the one I lost 2 years ago!! WooHoo, talk about fate huh??!!