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take me drunk i`m home
Facebook would be much more interesting if they let you decide, which part of the body you wanna Poke.
Sometimes, I`ll start a text with "lol" if it might be a sensitive subject. Like, "lol it`d be cool if you moved out."
I told the monster in my closet that coming out of there would make him gay. Ha!!,,That solves that problem.
My identity was stolen. I hope they do a better job with my life than I did!
I’ve already decided, if I ever go to The Price Is Right, I’m gonna “come on down” whether they call my name or not.
Even if I were taking a dump on the moon someone would walk in and sit down in the stall next to me.
Time to train for my favorite winter sport. Extreme Hibernation.
Screaming out "BOOM PREGNANT!" during sex is never as funny as you think it will be.
The longer I stay at home. The more homeless looking I look.
Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
Slightly used Christmas tree only one month old. Paid $60. Looking for $40. No low ballers. Serious inquiries only. Come on let`s get this thing done.
I successfully cleared a path from the front door to the TV. Now I can watch Hoarders.
After socializing and being nice to people all day it`s nice to sit down, drink by myself, and be an a$$hole on the Internet.