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Somewhere someone`s therapist knows you.
Instead of cleaning my house I just watch an episode of hoarders and think " Wow my house looks great"
My friends think I never listen to their opinions... like I give a sh*t what they think.
Sometimes I like to play God and just ignore everyone when they talk to me.
I bet when Hugh Hefner dies no one will say "He`s in a better place now."
No one is ever bored enough to start studying.
When ever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth and drink all the rum inside. It seems to help.
I love Christmas presents wrapped in bubble wrap... it`s like two gifts in one!!
The number of things that are *NOT* rocket science is staggering.
Well, just 8 more hours of Facebook and I can go back to bed. *phew*
Just read an article about a new species of spider in Sri Lanka that is the size of an average human`s face. In an unrelated matter, I have decided to NEVER visit Sri Lanka.
I have an eating disorder; I`m about to eat dis order of fries, dis order of wings, and dis order of nuggets.
I am really getting tired of every time I go out people use me for my body. You know, to shade them from the sun and all.
You know you had a good night when your first call the next morning is from the bank making sure your card wasn`t stolen.
If Milli Vanilli were to fall in the woods, would someone else make a sound?