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Alway be nice to anyone that has full access to your toothbrush.
When the cashier asks "How`s your day going?" I reply "I`m buying 3 bottles of wine, it`s clearly only getting better."
Sometimes I wrestle with my inner demons. Other times, we just hug.
Sure I have my doubts, but Bigfoot doesn’t have any pictures of me either.
Beauty comes in all shapes & sizes. Small, large, circle, square, thin crust, thick crust, stuffed crust, extra toppings.
when my swear jar gets full I`m going to use the money to buy a f*cking puppy
Work like you don`t have proof of citizenship, Love like you were on a reality TV show, and dance like you were being thrown 100 dollar bills at
Don`t ``Wine and dine`` me ... ``Champagne`` me ... step it up a notch
Waking up is the second hardest thing in the morning.
that awkward moment when your pulling the covers up and hit yourself in the damn face !!!
R2-D2 from Star Wars, still holds the record for most curse words in a movie.
It just occurred to me that you could substitute Miranda rights for wedding vows. Verbatim.
I hate it when spiders just sit there acting like they pay rent.
When you "pretend speak" to someone in the background while ordering takeout so that the restaurant doesn`t judge your big order for one.
Opposites attract, that`s the trouble with being awesome