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I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
It`s not a mental breakdown if the police wasn`t called.
Similarities between BRA and BAR 1. Both have similar letters 2. Both are drinking zones 3. When both opened men go crazy "prove me wrong"
Success sleeps with u in private. Failure insults u in public ! Aa
Every time I walk into a singles bar, I can hear Mom`s wise words: "Don`t pick that up!! You don`t know where it`s been!!"
The most important part of being on a gluten free diet is telling everyone about it.
Scientists are adding an extra second to the year 2015. Yeah. Here`s the bad news. You just wasted it reading this post.
What if cell phones are part of an elaborate plot to rid the world of phone booths so Superman has nowhere to change?
Thank you for showing me your Facebook wedding album. Now if you have time, here is a slideshow of my top 36 scores in Mario Kart
"This isn`t my first rodeo" -Guy at his second rodeo
How much is appropriate to tip the police officer who opens the squad car door for you?
Merry Christmas (I apologize if you`re not Christian). Happy Hanukkah (I apologize if you`re not Jewish). Happy Holidays (I apologize if you`re not happy).
I hope Iām the last guy on earth ā I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.
I want to see a pregnancy test commercial where 2 single people high five the sh!t out of each other because it`s negative.
1. Pour milk on floor. 2. Ask which kid did it. 3. Send them to their rooms when they don`t admit it. 4. Enjoy peaceful evening.