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People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don`t want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse"
The guy that thought of wrapping other food items in bacon deserves an award.
If I was rich, I`d do nothing all day from a much nicer couch
The expiration date on my credit card is 4/20 and it always gets a good laugh when Im ordering pizza for delivery.
My need for caffeine is so bad I`m going to AA for the free coffee
After listening to what some people have to say, I am rethinking the importance this whole freedom of speech thing.
Ever talk to someone so stupid they make you squint?
Despite the high cost of living, it still remains popular.
Remember, condoms prevent minivans.
Vegans think they will live longer than us, but they don`t realize they are 100 times more likely to be murdered mid conversation.
50 Shades of Laze - My weekend plans
Everyone`s self worth should only be measured by how useful they would be in the zombie apocalypse.
They don`t say "Get down Mr. President" anymore. Now they just shout, "Donald Duck!"
It’s not drinking alone if the dogs are home, right?
Some days the problem is I care too much… Today was not one of those days…