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I hate to sound racist, but.. all of your baby ultrasounds look the same.
Do you know who invented the Knock Knock joke? I don`t know either, but whoever did should get a no bell prize.
I`m confused, oh wait, maybe I`m not.
One of the greatest things about owning a dog is how happy they are to see you even though you just stepped out of the house for 30 seconds.
I don`t like the term "stalker". I prefer "unpaid private investigator".
It may look like I`m doing nothing, but I`m actively waiting for my problems to go away.
It`s hard to trust humans; even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
You could completely eliminate the semicolon key and 90% of America wouldn`t notice... until they needed to wink at somebody.
Unwritten Rule of the Day: Don´t make eye contact while eating a banana.
Thats it! I want to be re-inserted and I don`t want to remember a darn thing!
All I need to know about you is defined by whether you ask for a cup or a cone when ordering ice cream.
If the best things in life really are free, why am I still getting charged at the liquor store? I call bullshit
I never want to go to sleep less than I do at bed time.
I once dated a Rockette with Tourette`s. Talk about kicking and screaming!
I`ve been having real problems with nuisance phone calls lately. The most common one seems to be "You said you`d be home from the bar three f*cking hours ago!"