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I love the show Gotham....OBSESSED!!! But they constantly have the Twitter hashtag #gotham in the corner of the screen, and I`m always thinking..."No I don`t have ham! But I want ham." Sometimes I miss parts of the showing thinking about the fact that I don`t have ham..... Obviously I need to have ham on the menu every Monday night. #noidontgotham
I wish more people were fluent in silence.
I need to unbutton my pants just thinking about how much I’m going to eat this week.
Well, one week smoke free, only 4 dead, 27 injured… not bad…
I think today I`m going to cut off the sleeves of my snuggie and walk around the neighborhood pretending I`m in a Clint Eastwood western movie.
I tried to open a can of WhoopAss,, but it popped like a can of biscuits and scared me.
All my life I thought air was free… and then I bought a bag of chips. ^^
People who walk in front of the theatre screen while you`re watching a pirated movie on your computer are so rude.
Divorce: Step 1: She throws all your sh!t in the street Step 2: The judge says you have to give it all back to her.
Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, "try not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal."
My coworkers sending dirty messages to other coworkers when I leave my computer unlocked is why I have trust issues. ... and dates.
I gave my wife my email address but she keeps on speaking directly to me.
Someone stole my identity and returned it 10 minutes later.
For the past 3 years I have been planning to write an article on Procrastination!!!
When will they start calling marijuana dispenseries grass stations?