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My level of sarcasm is to the point where I don`t even know if I`m kidding or not.
"It seemed like a good idea at the time"............................... An often used phrase in a lot of my memories.
You will never be happier than a girl who just discovered her dress has pockets.
I did 10 minutes of cardio this morning. I was still drunk from last night, and I was trying to tie my shoes but whatever.
Just used the holiday card with your kid`s face on it to scoop up a dog turd in the living room.
McDonald`s sponsoring the Olympics is like Jack Daniels sponsoring the prom.
Futons are the most disappointing Transformers ever.
Of course I`m a good mother ... They`re still alive aren`t they.
I`d share my Netflix login but I`m too embarrassed by "My List".
I need more people like me in my life
I can`t afford to go on vacation these days,so I just drink until I don`t know where the duck I am or how I got there.
Bored? Simply send a text message to a random number saying..."I`m Pregnant!"
"LSD causes users to lose weight" Obviously. You can`t eat when a dragon is guarding the fridge.
Not sure if people stopped saying YOLO or if everyone who said it died.
People say that I have no idea what hard work is. That`s not true! I know exactly what it is... How do you think I avoid it so easily?