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A world without women would be a pain in the a$$.
I`ve ended up encountering much less porridge than I had expected I would as a child.
I’m not a marketing expert. But if I was selling milk, the cartons would be boob shaped.
My 4-year-old thinks the 5-second rule means he can eat anything off the floor if he waits 5-seconds first. That M&M was from last Easter.
That`s not how I met your mother.
Blessed are they who can just read it and move on.
How many selfies does it take to get to the center of attention?
Baby gates are parents` way of saying "this area is locked until you’ve gained more experience."
Always remember, it`s better to arrive late than to arrive ugly.
If it wasn’t for profanity, I wouldn’t be a pro at anything.
Can you do me a favour? Stand in front of my car, I need to test my brakes.
According to maxipad commercials, all women are full of blue windshield washer fluid...
I want to delete a bunch statuses, so if you guys could just message me your passwords that`d be great.
No cowboy in the world can out draw a grandmother pulling a baby picture out of her wallet.
I googled "cigarette lighter" and got 150000 matches.