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I’d be more motivated to work out if the stationary bikes had a little basket to hold my snacks and beer.
I hear Internet Explorer 10 is going to allow you to download and install Firefox up to three times faster.
"Trust me, you can dance." -Vodka
Do you ever think about sh!t you did in the past and just go why the f*ck did nobody punch me in the face?
"I got this." Translated: I most certainly do not have this, but prepare to be thoroughly entertained.
The most difficult part about taking a personality test is deciding which personality should take it.
Mom: You haven`t moved since I left 5 hours ago? Me: Excuse me, where do you think these chips came from!!???
If at first you don´t succeed ..... buy her another drink
Doctors waiting room needs some music. And better lighting. And more women. And a pole in the middle of the room. And a buffet.
So impolite of people to sneak up on you while you’re talking sh!t about them.
Can I have your number or do you just want the 8 dollars for the drink?
I never mix business with pleasure, ......unless i call an escort.
People who eat grapes are impatient alcoholics
I start a lot of conversations with "goodbye" in hopes that I trick people into thinking we already talked.
I got Mood Poisoning. Must have been something I hate.