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I bought a $300 dollar tent so I can camp outside Best Buy for 3 days to save $20 on a TV.
Restaurant Advertisement: We serve food as HOT as your neighbour’s wife; And beer as COLD as your own. :)
Today I discovered that two wrongs definitely don`t make a right. Tomorrow I`m going to try three.
The thing about smart mother f*ckers is... They sound like crazy mother f*ckers to dumb mother f*ckers!
I show my age when I`m in a club with all the 20 somethings.. Guess its because the last dance step I mastered was dancing like Gene Gene The Dancing Machine
My wife hasnt stopped looking through the window since it started raining. If it gets worse, I might have to let her back in...
If a man doesn`t drink when he`s living, how in the hell can he drink when he`s dead?
If you`re going to have opinions on my life, then I am assuming you will be paying some of the bills.
How come there`s never enough dirt to refill the hole even after you`ve put the body in? Asking for a friend
The ultimate home security system is having shitty stuff.
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart
Opinions are like a$$holes: some people make money by posting them on the internet.
There are sick days, paid holidays, and vacation days. What about "Don`t have any gas to make it to work days"
It`s all rainbows and sunshine until he breaks your heart, then it`s voodoo dolls and arson reports.
I need to put someone on my weekend to-do list