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Oh no! I have to enter my date of birth to view this explicit content! Damn this internet security!
In my most recent survey,,, four out of five women talked crap about the fifth one whenever she was out of earshot.
You`d think my boss would know me by now and stop asking me everyday if I`ve been drinking.
Dad: Son its a fact that masturbation can lead to blindness. Me: Dad... Im over here ..
I have my own version of Whole Foods, where I eat the Whole Pizza, Whole Box of Donuts, Whole Bag of Chips...
Know the rules well so you can break them effectively.
I just had a moment of clarity. Glad that`s over with.
I`m pretty sure my laundry breeds while I sleep.
Nothing changes a Facebook relationship status faster than a weekend full of tagged photos!
Your mobile phone has more computing power than all of NASA in 1969. NASA launched a man to the moon. ...We launch a bird into pigs!
Friends with benefits? What, like you can provide dental insurance?
Maths teacher: If you have 12 chocolates and you give 5 to Mary, 3 to Claire and 2 to Elizabeth then what will you get? Me: 3 new girlfriends.
Hopefully because of social networking, I`ve tarnished my reputation enough for anybody to ever place me in a role of great responsibility.
If stress burned calories, Iād be a super model.
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