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They should make a medal for anyone who uses an entire tube of chapstick without losing it.
Kiss her in the middle of her sentence so you don`t have to hear what she`s talking about.
“A body at rest tends to stay at rest” should be an acceptable excuse for missing work.
I`m not really much of a plumber, but I have laid some pipe before.
If electricity comes from electrons… does that mean that morality comes from morons?
If you don’t like being tailgated then don’t play movies I like.
When I`m on my death bed, I want my last words to be...."I left 10 million dollars in the..........."
For $60, this printer ink had better be hand squeezed out of endangered squids.
To the makers of rice cakes; thanks for nothing!
Most problems can be solved with nudity.
Whoever left me in charge of my own destiny has a lot of explaining to do.
Just saw someone eat a kit kat bar without breaking off each individual piece and now I can`t stop twitching.
Can I use my Mastercard to make my Visa payment?
In retrospect, I suppose "harder" wasn`t the best choice of a safe word.
The guys at Home Depot must take classes to know exactly what I meant by "the little thing next to that one piece with the round thing."