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I hate it when people need constant re-assurance. You know what I mean?
Tip of the day: When there’s a will…find a way to be in it!
If you have no regrets in life, you clearly have never gone out with me.
why me is me ?
Hey ladies, you know that feeling you get when you roll over & realize you made a horrible mistake? I could give that to you every day.
Artificial intelligence is a wonderful thing. I told my computer that today is my birthday, and it said that I needed an upgrade.
If opposites truly attract, the correct life strategy is to be a complete loser.
I wish I was a jedi, but mostly just so I didn`t have to bend over to pick up dog poop.
I’ve got about as much self control as two rabbits on a first date!
mom- "if you dont have anything nice to say, don`t say anything"
My brain has too many tabs open.
Right now my glass is half empty...Hey Bartender!!!
Thinking " What would happen if the whole world farted at once and a person lit a lighter?"
It’s people that give drinking a bad name.
I don`t get my neighbor. tells me to make my self at home but then gets pissed off when they come into the kitchen and I`m in my underwear making a sandwich.