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My girlfriend said that I should use the term `make love` instead of `f*ck.` What the make love is she talking about?
If you have a dog grooming business and it’s not called “Doggie Style” then something is wrong with you.
I maybe wrong but I doubt it.
Why did you have to take a half naked picture in front of a full length mirror to show off your new haircut?
I love when bill collectors ask if you can borrow the money...uh I did that before and I think we both know how that turned out.
Is it the S or the C that`s silent in scent?
I hope when the machines take over the world they start by fixing my cable.
Where have you been all my life? Can you go back there?
I`m alone in my car ... Counting it as a vacation.
I laugh in the face of normal.
It makes me sad that the closest I`ll ever get to `hulking out` is splitting my trousers when I bend over.
Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts.
roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at poems.. you have nice boobs
The toughest part of a lesbian relationship is deciding who gets to be the one who`s always right.
No matter what I get, it’s impossible not to sound like a douche when saying my order at Starbucks.