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This debt collector was just so surprised I answered my phone that they stuttered and hung-up lmao!!
I`m not Unemployed, I`m just taking my next job`s vacation in advance...
Teenage girls hang out in odd numbered groups because they literally can`t even.
Relationships should come with an icon that shows you how much time you have left like your phone’s battery.
Just Failed my Health and Saftey Test.The question was,"What steps would u take,in case of a fire?!"Big f*cking ones"was the wrong answer.
All my bills say "outstanding", I guess that means I`m good to go!
Dude, I can`t post AND know when the light turns green. I`m pretty, not magical.
In hell you`re always trying to spread butter that`s too cold.
If you don`t know me by now....I`m a really good stalker.
I am not as think as you drunk I am
Every novel is a mystery, if you never finish it.
I always say, your laundry is never completely done, unless you do it in the nude. Which probably explains the strange looks at the laundrymat this afternoon.
That weirdo that comes into bars and tries to sell roses would make a lot more money if he sold tacos.
My body needs a refresh button.
I always thought I looked like romeo, until I washed the picture off my mirror...