Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My girlfriend says I talk while I sleep... but I`m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
Imagine being the sort of person who knows what every button on a TV remote does.
If you ever Google "Grandfather Clock", be careful how you spell that sh!t.
Remember when double entry was an accounting term?
How does one get a nice body without moving?
I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you.
Don’t underestimate my ability to be hungry.
Like medicine, some people should only be allowed to talk in doses. Like 30 sentences three times a day.
Start each day with a positive thought like, "I can go back to bed in about 17 short hours."
If by `the Hamptons` you mean `my pajamas`, then yes, I absolutely weekend in the Hamptons
If there`s one thing I`ve learnt in life it`s to stay clothed during sensitive conversations.
With so many things coming back in style, I can`t wait until morals and intelligence become a trend again.
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-a$$".
Still have my French Maid costume in case any of you have a dirty house. I`ll be happy to sit there and look sexy while your wife cleans....
I`m tired of making the same mistakes over and over again. Does anyone have any new mistakes I can borrow?