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Don`t let the door hit you on the way out ... Hell, who am I kidding, I hope it hits you and knocks you down the f*cking stairs.
" a fool and his money ----- are never around when you need a loan......"
I wouldn`t mind being alone with my thoughts, if I didn`t know them all so well.
The best neighbors are the ones you never see.
Can someone else be a sex symbol today? ... My good T-shirt is still in the wash...
Repeat after me: It doesn’t matter how big the problem is, posting it on Facebook won’t solve it.
OK I`ve stumbled out of bed and made it to the computer- and another Facebook day begins!
Don’t bother flirting with the girl from accounting, she knows how much money you really make.
The first rule of the OCD Club is to have a second rule so there is an even number of rules.
The best part about being over 40 is we did most of our stupid stuff before the internet.
Do me a favor if someone tells you they don`t like me , tell them I don`t like them either.
Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia. There’s a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
Picking your nose doesn`t make you a bad person. .... but what you do with the booger will define you.
My biggest fear is that there is no PMS and this is my personality.
I think girls secretly enjoy putting guys in the friend zone