Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
What I lack in height, I make up for in kitchen counter climbing ability.
May you never be as bored as whoever figured out that holding a seashell to your ear sounds like the ocean
I neither like nor want to date Taylor Swift, but I know at some point it’ll just be my turn.
Today I learned not all people are appreciative of vetriloquism. Especially my gynecologist.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Imagine Ferris Bueller trying so hard not to Instagram his whole day off.
To honor Thanksgiving this month I will be calling every one Pilgrim instead of Dude or Bro-- Fair warning
Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over? You were driving 80 miles an hour. Driver: "No way; I ain`t even been on the road an hour."
Driving isn`t even in the top 5 things I`m thinking about when I`m driving.
When it comes to f*cking around, I don`t f*ck around.
Shopping at the Dollar Tree makes me feel rich and poor at the same time.
They`ve been farting with my facebook again. It`s like the old days when the the girl you woke up with wasn`t the one you went to bed with.
This getting older thing really sucks. These days my eyes are so bad I have to buy the Large Print edition of Alphabet Soup.
Ugh, stalkers are horrible. You`d think someone could`ve let me know I was out of toilet paper.
I need to put someone on my weekend to-do list