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My bank account is more like a countdown to homelessness.
I`m a spontaneous procrastinator
I just did my budget for August. If I don`t buy food ... I won`t need toilet paper. I think I`m on to something here.
The worst part about looking for a job is if you`re successful, you end up with a job.
I`m really good at acting like I`m sorry the elevator door is closing and you missed it.
Hi I’m a spider & I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can.
In the United States a man gets kicked in the groin every 6.2 seconds. I would hate to be that man.
Let`s lay in bed all day & trade sexual favors for trips to the fridge
Worrying is a waste of time. It doesn’t change anything. It messes with your mind & steals your happiness.
If you need time alone, announce that it`s time to clean the house.
Here’s a little bit of advice for you.. advi
The nice thing about being a guy is your underwear only costs $10 for a 3-pack.
Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
I have a lot on my plate right now. Not busy, just hungry.
The more I get to know you, the more I`m convinced that you are the sole inspiration behind many medications.