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I can alwasy tell when movies do not use real dinosaurs
Grocery stores could save me a lot of time and effort by adding an “All the stuff you can microwave” aisle.
I wish relationships were more like cell phone plans - "Free nights and weekends."
I just got off the couch and I think I accidentally did yoga or some $hit.
Republicans are red, Democrats are blue. The government is shut down cause neither one gives a damn about you.
My internet went down last week...so I talked to my family....thank goodness the internet came back
Married men should forget their mistakes. There is no need for two people, to remember the same thing.
I got kicked out of the public swimming pool today. Apparently the `Breast Stroke` wasn`t what I thought it was.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to .... unless your in prison!!!
When butterflies fall in love, do they feel humans in their stomachs.
Every member of my family is polite & courteous which I why our pantry has 17 boxes of cookies that contain exactly one remaining cookie
Only you can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.
I wonder if these beers are performance enhancing. I’m feeling pretty awesome!!
i just opened a fortune cookie and it started with the word unfortuneatly
When will they start calling marijuana dispenseries grass stations?