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Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.
Today I will kick a$$, and make dreams happen...but first, Coffee.
Do you suppose prison guards could use `PROACTIV` to prevent outbreaks?
You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
I followed my heart...now I`m at the liqour store
If you`re camping and you have WiFi, you`re not camping.
I hate when men`s restrooms have no urinals and a bunch of women in them.
There are a lot of side effects to smoking weed. Like never shutting up about the fact that you smoke weed.
When I text someone and they dont text me back, I automatically assume that they fainted from overexcitement.
I just called to get my credit score and I heard laughing in the background. Sounds like a cool place to work.
I wan`t you to know that someone cares. not me, but someone.
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental issues
A friend suggested I see a therapist but the truth is, I like being f*cked up.
I could never trust a psychic who hasn`t won the lottery at least once.