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Girls love shoes… so if she throws one at you, you know she’s really pissed off.
I`m so sick and tired of my friends who can`t handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me 3 times while carrying me to the car.
Hell is an endless cycle of getting comfortable in bed & then suddenly having to pee.
I`d better check my phone for texts from friends. *checks phone* Well, I`d better get some friends...
"Let`s give the bad guy a ponytail." - 80s movies
I came home from the gym today staggering and sweating after pushing my body to the limit ... And all I did was sign up.
When the girl working the counter says "would you like fries with that?" say.."are you calling me fat??" then burst into tears. Free meal.
If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other
Though we made many advancements in society, sadly, pimpin’ STILL isn’t easy.
My internet was down for almost 4 mins,im ok but the 911 operator was a total b**ch about it!
I just found a whip, a mask and handcuffs in my mom’s bedroom. I can’t believe it.. She’s a superhero!
Drinking Tip: Never buy the first round cause that`s when people care what they`re drinking!
How long do I have to lay on the couch in the same position before I can call it "yoga"?
Life is like a bowl of soup; you only get blown if you’re hot.
Monday morning coffee is just as important as friday night liquor....almost.