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finally got my certification in the mail, I`m officially insane.
Sometimes I don`t go big just so I can go home.
My age is very inappropriate for my behavior.
Some of the best decisions I’ve ever made involved me clicking cancel instead of send.
Women say they love nerds until you whip out your Pokemon cards.
I spent at least half an hour trying to get my girlfriends bra off. I will never try wearing that again.
The ideal man doesn`t smoke, doesn`t drink, doesn`t do drugs, doesn`t swear, doesn`t get angry, doesn`t exist
Why do we only crave what`s bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, cake... You never hear anyone say "I`d kill for some salad."
if a guy tells you you`re ugly ; he wants you, if a girl tells you your ugly; she`s jealouse, if you a kid tells you your`re ugly..... you`re ugly.
Pregnancy test confirmed me my worst fear.......I`m just fat
In fact, yes, l can multitask. I can screw up several things at once.
Life`s short ... Drink fast
If women kept their feelings to themselves would they explode? Guess we`ll never know.
How much tequila goes into mashed potatoes again?
There is no such thing as something looking "Too good to eat"