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Summer vacation: Where you drink triple, see double and act single.
Girls don`t dress for guys, they dress for themselves. If they dressed for guys they would be naked all the time
I`m so old, I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign And before that ... we used to play Tic-Tac-Toe on that sh!t.
If you still pay for porn I just want you to know I have a butter churner and an abacus for sale.
Don`t give me a sec, give me lots of secs.
If you lick the frosting off a cupcake it becomes a muffin, muffins are healthy :) your welcome.
I wish I could google "things to eat in my fridge" so I wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed. ;)
Saw a bird sh*t on my car, so I ate scrambled eggs on my front step, just to show him what I`m capable of.
The only thing I`ve learned from my mistakes is that I make a whole bunch of them
All i ever see on facebook is LBR, TBH, LMS, and all that other crap...
My boss acts like during March Madness is the only time we`re less productive. Its cute
I dropped my affordable health care because I couldn`t afford it .
Pee your name in the snow and you`ll quickly understand why they should teach cursive in our schools.
If there is such thing as a fake noodle, does that make it an impasta?
Square box. Round pizza. Triangle slices. I`m Confused.