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Breaking News: Tuesdays suck just as much as Mondays.
There`s no better reminder to visit your dentist than a trip to Walmart.
Sorry to all my friends and family members who didn`t know I was a freak until they saw my likes and shares on Facebook.
Bending over ... preparing to do my taxes.
Slow dancing with a fat girl? More like moving a fridge by yourself.
I act like Pacman at parties. I walk around the room eating everything in site and avoiding everyone.
"You drive me to drink!!!" ~Me shouting to the taxi driver.
Sorry I cancelled at the last minute, but it took me forever to think of an excuse I hadn`t used yet.
Vampire selfies are just phones floating in front of bathroom mirrors.
It’s only Wednesday and I’m 95% done with this week.
I need to do laundry so bad I`m actually wearing Christmas stockings
If goldfish crackers actually tasted like goldfish-- wait, I just realized I`ve never tasted a goldfish. What if the crackers are accurate?
For many people, "live and learn" is one task too many.
Thinks that some of you make impulsive, poor thought out decisions. We should totally hang out more!!!
It`s like my pastor always says, "Who are you and why are you stealing wine?"