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If you figure me out I want an explanation.
"I`m on my way." -People who haven`t even left the house yet.
Best thing about being single… -no drama -no fighting -no crying -no feelings -no confusion -no worries -no PROBLEMS!
How many "zero likes" do you have to get on Facebook before you realize nobody gives a crap about you
You see I, I´ve raise a toast to all of us. Who are breakin´ our backs everyday. If wantin´ the good life is such a crime. Lord, then put me away, yeah, here´s to you
Just heard about the Obamacare deadline and I`m freaking out. I have so many questions. Who is Obama?
I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet. It reminds me of why there is no money in there.
Going to one of those places where you chop down your own Christmas tree, and then try to get away before they catch you.
Ever had one of those days that you feel like you should have skipped the morning coffee and went straight for the booze?
Remember, Christmas is over if you sit on a strangers lap now and ask for stuff it`s because you`re a whore.
The push-up bra: the strangely acceptable female equivalent of a rolled up sock stuffed in men`s underwear.
Kids today will never appreciate how difficult it used to be finding pictures of naked people.
My wife asked me to load the dishwasher. So I poured her some shots and told her to start drinking. And that`s how the fight started.
I want my children to have all the things I never had so then I can move in with them.
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