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I`m boycotting Kix cereal because of all that kid testing.
My definition of" Armed and Dangerous" is: a pissed off wife with a bottle of wine, and the credit cards.
I`m so broke that I can`t even pay attention!
It’s funny that old people need handicap parking spots but they always manage to pick up a penny off the ground.
There 492 billionaires in the United States, and not one of those goddamned losers has decided to become Batman.
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don`t make the rules.
If I don’t talk to myself, who will?
"You drive me to drink!!!" ~Me shouting to the taxi driver.
If we start calling it `potato juice`, Vodka becomes a health drink. RIGHT?
The guy that figured out babies instinctively hold their breath under water probably had a lot of explaining to do.
Why aren’t mustaches called mouth brows?
I swear on this f*cking chicken I will never swear again. Oops.
If I was just learning English and you told me a sport called BOXING takes place in a SQUARE area called a RING, I`d probably give up.
Any of you had a friend that borrowed your sh!t and kept it for so long you had to borrow it back..
Every wanna answer every question with a middle finger? That`s kinda where I am today.