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Can`t wait for Daylight Saving Time to end this weekend so the clock in my car will have the correct time.
Never do I feel as lazy and rude as when someone else in the room is vacuuming.
I`ve got to remember to tie a string around my finger!
why does a round pizza comes in a square box?
Automatic doors make me feel like a Jedi
I thought I was on the cash cab show! But turns out I was in a police car and cops hate trivia.
My wife can find a stain on my shirt from across the room but can`t see the mailbox when she`s backing up?
When you’re old, my kids will be in charge. I’m so, so sorry.
F*ck It - My final thought before making decisions.
"Latte" is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.
A real ice cream truck would have melted by now.
I don`t need drugs to have a good time, I need them to focus, avoid depression, endure winter, fall asleep, and controll my high blood pressure
I`m Not Perfect. Your Not Perfect. But Together We Can Be a Perfect Sense of Humor LOL!
The problem with this generation? The cartoons suck.
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you? :D