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I cant believe I saw a woman wearing slippers in church today! I almost dropped my beer.
My girlfriend just threw away a bubble wrap without popping it. Just like that. I`m dating an animal :(
Going back to work after 12 days off is the best way to realize I should have married for money.
No matter what the product, a good way to throw off an aggressive salesman is to interrupt him and ask, “Yes, but does it work on cats?”
I had 3 happy meals today and none of them worked.
If you can’t laugh at yourself, call me… I’ll do it.
Why is it called stealing when your WIFI is trespassing in my house?
Can someone`s face be a pet peeve?
Never send in a beer to do the work of a tequila shot.
If you scream in a library, people just look at you funny. If you scream on an airplane, everyone joins in.
I`m pretty sure God just pointed at me and laughed.
Some psychologists say that sleeping naked can help boost a person`s confidence, but nobody in this park seems to appreciate it.
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer is my favorite story about how you will get treated like CRAP ... until you have something someone else needs
I`m so old, I remember when the internet didn`t have commercials.
Tieam... problem solved