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Love makes the world go `round, but alcohol makes it spin.
Remember when phones were stupid and people were smart?
Only in math problems you can buy 60 watermelons and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
I can still remember a time when I knew more than my phone
Why do crutons come in resealable bags? Are we really worried about them going stale?
there`s only 2 things in life you have control in changing that is your attitude and a kids diaper.. which at times both can be the equivalent of the other..
Me asking if you want anything from Starbucks is my way of telling you I am going to be very, very late
I’ve got a friend whose nickname is “Shagger”. You might think that’s pretty cool. She doesn’t like it
How many people actually tell everyone that you said Hi.
Some things make you go hmm. Some things make you go ugh! I make you go "Did he really just say that?"
Every selfie you post should come stamped with a number like a limited edition print. "Attempt 7 of 25".
It`s funny how things change when you get older. It seems like just yesterday I would spend my evenings on the front porch and treat myself to some killer weed. Now I spend my
My Facebook weather forecast looks like I can expect 2 or 3 inches of drama tonight followed by a lot of bullsh!t blowing in from all directions in the morning.
Feeling a little sassy today...But then again, that`s everyday
I think I`m going to run for political office, so people can dig up dirt on me. I have been wanting to piece together my twenties.