Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My dog`s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I`d like it to be.
I had s*x with my friend`s wife last night and now I feel awful. She must have had the flu or something.
Sarcasm, I put that sh!t on everything
I forgot to pay my bill to the exorcist and so I got re-possesed.
Don’t ask me to kill a spider for you & then criticize my methods. Yes, I had to use a samurai sword, & no, I’m not sorry about your table.
I changed my name in my daughters phone to God...just texted her and said "I saw that"
I don`t drink these days. I`m allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs.
I bet if you walked up to any table at a restaurant and said "Good afternoon folks" they will let you take their order.
Why do people have to get ready for bed? I’m always ready for bed
10 Easy Steps to Learn Binary: 1) There are 1`s and 0`s 10) There are no 2`s
I`m astounded at how fast my "I survived Ebola" t-shirt got me to the front of the Black Friday lines this year..
I`m not lazy... I`m in energy saving mode.
I like to finish other people’s sentences because my version is better.
every woman iz beautuful n her unique way, smtimz it needs sm amount of alcohol to see with
Ever noticed that `beer can` in a british accent sounds exactly like `bacon` in a jamaican accent?