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As you Mature... you learn that you cannot make someone love you.. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in..
I like to go on job interviews wearing an eye patch and switch eyes when the interviewer looks down.
Anyone else wake up in a grass skirt and coconut bra?
I never get nervous or embarrassed. That`s just some sh*t that sober people who leave the house have to worry about.
Unless you discovered a dead body, I don`t want to hear about your morning jog.
I`m on a pepperoni pizza cleanse.
Does everyone have that one dumb ass that finds you on Facebook and will not give up? Repeated friend requests, inbox messages, and follows my pages. It is driving me nuts. I understand at some point I will have to give in, but just because I am married to her doesn`t mean I have to like her, right?
Ever notice that all the instruments searching for intelligent life are pointed away from earth?
i m not totally useless, i can b used as bad example
I don`t think my neighbor knows my rule about not interacting unless we`re both pointing at the same tornado.
I have no super powers. I`m guessing I`m the villain.
If you pour two beers into one glass, it becomes just one beer.
Why buy it for $7 when you can make it yourself with $92 worth of craft supplies.
Hey ladies! Great news! Those low riding, butt crack, hip hugger jeans are coming back in style!
If your bf/gf tries to start a fight with you just say, "Please. Not during Toyotathon."