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Sometimes I`m completely inconsiderate to other peoples feelings. And other times I`m asleep.
"You only live once. LOL JK!" ~ the cat
You call it multiple personality disorder... I call it being mayor of the little town in my head!
In a 500-day period I could theoretically meet someone, get married, have a baby, and get divorced–and yet I’d still be using the same box of Q-tips.
Day 1. I am thankful that I haven`t fallen into the trap of Facebook thankful status updates.
There`s 3 ways to get something done: 1. Do it yourself, 2. Hire someone or 3. Forbid your kids to do it.
A recent survey has shown that 50% of all newlyweds want to try anal sex. Or to put it another way, 100% of grooms.
I won $20 by not playing the lottery last night!
... and so begins another failed hundred or so attempts at trying to write the correct year on anything I date.
I was halfway through a recipe when I read the instruction "Now chill in fridge for at least two hours". I only managed 30 minutes. I was freezing.
People in glass houses can throw whatever they want. They live in a glass house, I`m not expecting them to be practical
If I was gonna make a bomb, I`d use the same color wire for the whole thing.
When I was little I didn`t care about things like what to wear, my parents dressed me. Looking back at some of my old pictures, it`s obvious that my parents didn`t care either.
Why would a married man buy a hearing aid?
Earlier this morning, I was invited to join an XXX Facebook group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really really big shirts.