Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Never do I feel as lazy and rude as when someone else in the room is vacuuming.
The irony of social media is that the majority of users are all alone.
When girls have a great night out, they talk about it for months. When guys have a great night out, that night will never be spoken of.
I was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasn`t the right answer.
Doing word problems as a kid has helped me in adulthood. "Dan doesn`t have enough money for his bills, how long before he is homeless?"
My phone battery lasts longer than relationships these days
You just dont know how dumb you are until you get a little smarter
Sarcasm is just one of the many services I offer to people who ask stupid questions.
I have Beer.
The best curve on a girl is her smile ;) ... Lol just kidding!
It`s amazing how I come up with my best status updates when I`m in the shower or when I`m driving. I think it has a lot to do with me being naked.
It`s so cute how you can throw balls right at kids faces in the Chuck E Cheese ball pit and they think you`re just playing.
I`ve just been hit in the head with a werthers, and I thought........... That`s original!!!
Now reached the age where getting lucky is what happens when I can remember where I set my glasses down at
I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn.....it`s dead yarn now, though.