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A Lion would never cheat on his wife.. but a Tiger wood.
Two interesting facts for you: 1) Some pine cones look like poop. 2) I`m never kicking anything wearing flip flops again.
If Monday had a face... I`d punch it.
I don`t get it, no matter how many times I call `shotgun` the cops always put me in the backseat.
If you replace the "W" in "where" "what" and "when" with "T" you get answers to the questions.
"Is that for here or to go?" —Real estate agent selling a mobile home
Quick Hide! Monday is Coming!!
We get it poets: things are like other things
My mom likes playing this game called `yell from four rooms away and get upset when I can`t hear her`.
Do I have a plan for the zombie apocalypse? I don`t even have a battery in my smoke detector...
Celebrities on drugs, politicians having affairs, aliens living mail boxes....I love standing in the check out line, its better than the library....and it has food.
There are only two types of honest people in this world.....small children and drunk people.
I was voted `Most Paranoid` by my classmates at school. Although they never admitted it.
What sucks about those little hotel shampoo bottles is there`s no room for the directions so you kind of have to wing it.
Dear whoever ate my fries while i was in the ball pit at McDonald`s... grow up!!