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Its all fun and games until you realize your Capri Sun has no straw.
Working from home means I save money on train tickets and pants, but spend more on vodka and pizza.
These ramen noodles taste like payday is next Friday.
If you never used that plastic thing that keeps pizza from sticking to the box lid as GI Joe`s poker table you`re too mature for me.
Not remembering where I set my drink down must be the same feeling parents have when they lose their four year old at the mall.
tried being normal. Didn`t like the feeling, so I`m going back to being ME.
I`m pretty sure God just pointed at me and laughed.
You better not pout, you better not cry, you better not shout I`m telling you why...we have our own problems and nobody cares about yours.
I`m available if anyone needs me to ruin a good thing before it even starts.
First comes love, then comes marriage. Then comes not making any decisions and feeling guilty about asking for blowjobs.
500 recipes pinned to my Pinterest board. Eating a peanut butter & jelly sandwich.
Be thankful for Facebook, the way gas prices are headed we may never actually see each other again.
Even if women came with an instructions manual men still wouldn`t read it.
Arguing in sign language must be a workout.
I miss the old days when I could say I wasn`t around and you couldn`t check Facebook or twitter to see if I was lying