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If you watch COPS backwards it`s just a bunch of people overcoming miraculous obstacles to win free drugs
I saw a piece of chewing gum in the urinal today and thought, boy that must have been really painful.
I slammed the car door on my fingers this afternoon. In related news, there`s an 83% chance that my nephew just added "Mother*ucker" to his vocabulary.
Is it wrong to swallow my multi-vitamin with a beer?
Why don`t we wait for life on other planets to find us? Why do we have to do all the work?
If it doesn’t make you afraid to go to the bathroom the next day, it’s not really hot sauce.
If watching the big-screen TV with your pants off and a bag of Doritos is wrong, then they shouldn`t have couches at this Best Buy.
Pocketwatches were replaced by wristwatches, which became digitalwatches, which were replaced by mobile phones. Which we keep in our pockets
Pregnancy test confirmed me my worst fear.......I`m just fat
Not all men cheat. Some of you women just assume you’re in a relationship with the guy.
I like dressing in a red polo shirt then going to Target & being rude to costumers
Hubby wanted to start the new year out with a bang - So I shot him..
If your friends don’t make fun of you, they’re not your true friends.
Dear wind, what has my hair ever done to you?
Filling out a job application. Under "Military Experience" I put that I once went commando for 4 days in a row.