Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I wear a cape when I`m driving so if I get pulled over the cop will think I`m going somewhere to fight crime.
(For women only) Wants to go on the Maury Povich show and hear, "You are NOT the mother!"
Saw some idiot put a water bottle where the Pringles go on the treadmill.
I didn`t want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach the cookies.
Remember ladies, if on your 10th selfie you don’t have the perfect one to post you’re really just ugly.
Well I didn`t know that minding my own business becomes part of your business to mind
Sometimes I order fajitas at a restaurant just to get more attention.
If I had known "cuties" were little oranges when my wife asked me to "bring a few home," I could have avoided these awkward introductions.
Clearly, you are a person with an open mind. I can feel the breeze from here.
I can`t tell if I actually have free time, or if I`m just forgetting everything...
My kids constantly yell at me whenever I try take their pictures, and I tell `em: "You`re gonna need them in 20 years for your Throw Back Thursdays updates"..... whatever!!
The only thing Facebook has ever done for me is make me realize a lot of my friends are idiots.
my neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning , can you believe that 2:30am? Luckily for him I was still up playing my drums...
morning i hate girls evening i need girls
Burglars must love "My Family Stickers". They can wait in front of someone`s house, count the people that leave, and know if they have a dog or not...