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I started to question my sanity this morning, It told me to "Shut up and chew through the straps....). I was free by noon......Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Guinness for breakfast because its Ireland somewhere.
There is a huge difference between a hot girl and a girl wearing lesser clothes.
Attn Single people: If marriage was so great, there would be 6 people on the internet right now.
In an alternate universe cats feed humans Lean Cuisines while muttering "I don`t know how you eat that sh!t".
If I lived in England I would approach my boss on payday and say "pound me."
I`m giving up abbreviations for Lent. Laugh Out Loud
Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over? You were driving 80 miles an hour. Driver: "No way; I ain`t even been on the road an hour."
Sometimes Google should just come back with an answer that says, `Trust me, you don`t want to know.`
The hay in baby Jesus`s manger came from Christian Bales.
Since it started raining all my wife has done is look through the stupid window... If it gets any worse, I`ll have to let her in.
My "To Do" list today only had one entry: "Nothing". And it took me all day to finish it!
Retirement plans compared .. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left. If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left. But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for recycl
I`m a little Stressed right now ... Just turn around and leave quietly and no one gets hurt.
If you weren`t supposed to eat 15 Oreos in one sitting, they wouldn`t package them in rows of 15.