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I’m starting to think that the gym isn’t really for me. I went this morning and laid down on the mat to do some sit-ups. I woke up 2 hours later.
Taco Bell is donating burritos to feed firefighters in Colorado. Talk about putting gas on the fire,
Starting tomorrow, whatever life throws at me, I`m ducking so it hits someone else!
Yes officer, the person who robbed me was a woman 25-30, at least 5`9, a brunette and definitely single. Can you arrange a line up please
If there`s one thing I`ve learned hiking, it`s the early bird gets the face full of spider webs
I hope we`re friends until we die and then I hope we stay ghost friends and walk through walls and scare the sh!t out of people.
If a man says you’re ugly he’s being mean. If a woman says you’re ugly she’s envious. If a little kid says you’re ugly, you’re ugly.
I look so young for my rage.
The object of golf is to play the least amount of golf.
I just finished writing an article on "How To Improve Your Memory"- But I forgot where I kept it!!
There are plenty of fish in the sea ...That`s cool and all....but I`m a human.
Marriage teaches you forgiveness, compromise and tons of other things you wouldn`t need if you`d stayed single.
Whenever I start feeling spontaneous, my bank account quietly reminds me to calm the f*ck down. -Bfanch
Here`s a crazy trick to avoid looking fat in pictures: Lose weight.
I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced.